(Posh) English People Crack Me Up, Episode 1
I went to the pub the other night with some folks from one of the law firms for which I did some stellar typing work earlier this year. It was great to see them, they drink like fish and thusly I fit in well. On this particular night we were graced by the presence of Lady Lawyer, one of the partners of the firm whom I greatly admired but had not yet encountered in a social environment. She is tall and thin and perfectly dressed, she tells stories about her childhood nanny and has a house in the country: the classic posh cliché. Imagine what follows in the snootiest accent you can think of and you'll know just what it was like.
At one point in the evening when we were all quite merry I rose to my feet and inquired as to the beverage preferences of my assembled comrades.
Lady Lawyer, pulling a £20 note from her purse: “No, jLo. Sit down. I’ll buy the drinks”.
jLo, winding the politeness factor up to 11: “Thank you, Lady Lawyer, you’re too kind. However, I must insist that this is my round. In my culture it is very important to be the type of person who stands one’s round. What would you like to drink?”
Lady Lawyer, harrumphing dismissively: “Now, jLo. To be perfectly frank, I don’t much care about your so-called culture. What you must understand is that I am MORE than willing to pay for everyone’s drinks all evening…”
Lawyer Colleague, in the background: “That’s true, she is.”
Lady Lawyer, continuing as if uninterrupted, still waving her £20 note in the air, carefully and loudly enunciating each word:
“…as long as I don’t have to go and stand at the bar like a common prostitute.”
The table exploded. Knowing my place, I took my cue and the £20 note and obediently fetched in the round.
For a line as good as that, Lady Lawyer, I will go to the bar on your behalf all night.
At one point in the evening when we were all quite merry I rose to my feet and inquired as to the beverage preferences of my assembled comrades.
Lady Lawyer, pulling a £20 note from her purse: “No, jLo. Sit down. I’ll buy the drinks”.
jLo, winding the politeness factor up to 11: “Thank you, Lady Lawyer, you’re too kind. However, I must insist that this is my round. In my culture it is very important to be the type of person who stands one’s round. What would you like to drink?”
Lady Lawyer, harrumphing dismissively: “Now, jLo. To be perfectly frank, I don’t much care about your so-called culture. What you must understand is that I am MORE than willing to pay for everyone’s drinks all evening…”
Lawyer Colleague, in the background: “That’s true, she is.”
Lady Lawyer, continuing as if uninterrupted, still waving her £20 note in the air, carefully and loudly enunciating each word:
“…as long as I don’t have to go and stand at the bar like a common prostitute.”
The table exploded. Knowing my place, I took my cue and the £20 note and obediently fetched in the round.
For a line as good as that, Lady Lawyer, I will go to the bar on your behalf all night.
posted by jLo at 8:33 PM
3 Comments:
That's the way jLo, strutting your post-colonially self-determined boots all the way to the bar.
Maybe I'm too literal but why did she say "no jLO sit down" when she wanted you to stand at the bar like a common prostitute? Which would have to be worse than a high class prostitute. Where do they stand btw?
J,The: My boots are indeed post-colonially self-determined.
Eleri: An excellent point, and that would be the fault of the bleary storyteller who didn't edit properly. She is far more likely to have said something like "Put your money away, jLo." My memory focusses on the punchline...
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