One foot in the grave
Here is a post about getting old, for The Editor on his birthday: Happy birthday, Ed!
The scene: at the pub (where else?) with my friends Ms Pistol and jPet, having a conversation about our respective ages.
MsP: “Wait, jLo. How old are you now?”
jLo: “28”.
MsP (shocked beyond belief). “Oh, GOD!” (A pause). “Sorry, jLo.”
jPet and jLo: collapse in laughter. Ms P is very embarrassed.
Later in the evening, we decide it is time to soak up some of the wine with greasy pub food.
jLo: “Cheesy wedges with chorizo. Could there BE a more perfect meal?”
jPet: “I cannot see any possible downside.”
jLo: “Other than the fact that I will die of a heart attack at age 30.”
(A beat).
“Which, you know, for me is REALLY FREAKING SOON.”
MsP: “I SAID I was sorry. GOD!”
jLo: “It’s okay, Ms P. These wedges complete me.” (Looks down at plate, makes ‘you complete me’ signs).
“That I am so close to my grave means nothing. I can die happy, knowing that I have tasted the sublime.”
jPet: “Me too. I will come here every day and fill the hole in my heart with cheesy wedges.”
jLo: “Deal”.
The scene: at the pub (where else?) with my friends Ms Pistol and jPet, having a conversation about our respective ages.
MsP: “Wait, jLo. How old are you now?”
jLo: “28”.
MsP (shocked beyond belief). “Oh, GOD!” (A pause). “Sorry, jLo.”
jPet and jLo: collapse in laughter. Ms P is very embarrassed.
Later in the evening, we decide it is time to soak up some of the wine with greasy pub food.
jLo: “Cheesy wedges with chorizo. Could there BE a more perfect meal?”
jPet: “I cannot see any possible downside.”
jLo: “Other than the fact that I will die of a heart attack at age 30.”
(A beat).
“Which, you know, for me is REALLY FREAKING SOON.”
MsP: “I SAID I was sorry. GOD!”
jLo: “It’s okay, Ms P. These wedges complete me.” (Looks down at plate, makes ‘you complete me’ signs).
“That I am so close to my grave means nothing. I can die happy, knowing that I have tasted the sublime.”
jPet: “Me too. I will come here every day and fill the hole in my heart with cheesy wedges.”
jLo: “Deal”.
posted by jLo at 5:53 PM
4 Comments:
That's it. I'm going to get cheesy wedges today.
People do courses to try and write as funny as you do. And you know what you do? You go to the pub, buy wedges and report back your own words verbatim.
jLo, aka "The Natural."
And to think i've eaten rank pizza outside Mooseheads on more occasions than care to remember when there are cheesy wedges in the world.
And ps, JLo - I havent been able to read your blog much of late owing to the fact that the evil revenue collecting office i work for won't allow me to view anything interesting on the interweb. I've just digested about 2 months of posts in one sitting and I think my insides have shut down from laughing too hard. Bravo my friend.
You guys are the nicest.
I am nothing, of course, without the wit of those around me to steal. But I thank you anyway.
Ed, I hope you found and enjoyed some cheesy wedge goodness.
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