Giddy Up

Before I left, everyone asked me if I was excited. I would say yes, and it would be true, up to a point. My head was too clouded – with organisation, with melancholy and confusion – to be excited except in theory. I kept saying that I expected it to hit once I was on the plane. That didn’t happen – the journey sucked too hard for that – but I think it’s starting to now.

It’s not London. I like London, a lot, and I’ve had little flashes of joy and anticipation wandering the streets and reacquainting myself with familiar sights and places. But I don’t particularly like being a tourist in London. I’ve seen all the ‘sights’ that I care to see and have no desire to revisit them. The Crown Jewels, London Bridge and Buckingham Palace – once was more than enough. This is a town I want to belong to, not be a visitor in. I’ll enjoy London properly once I’m settled here – when I have a job, a home, a life – it’s the everyday London experience that I crave.

What finally got me giddy tonight was Spain. I’ve talked about it for so long, but it’s only been an idea. Reading my guidebook this evening and working out where I actually want to go, it finally became real. I’ve said all along that I wanted a ‘holiday’, as opposed to a backpacker adventure – and while I understand why I said I wanted that (I’m TIRED, goddammit), it’s starting to shift. The idea of taking a (small) bag, starting somewhere, exploring for as long as I want to then catching a bus somewhere else, is starting to appeal. I can stop and rest if I want to, or I can visit tiny villages and keep moving every day. I’m finally starting to remember what it feels like to want to travel.

I’ve decided to confine my trip almost exclusively to Andalucia – Granada, Seville, and as many places in between as I can fit in. Maybe even a few days in Morocco. I’m going to leave on Monday, and end up in Seville for the Easter festival, which sounds awesome. Finally, FINALLY, I can’t wait.