July?
In which jLo attempts to account for her time.
Technically speaking it is not, in fact, a diary if you only update it once a month.
In response to the deluge of inquiries I have received of late as to my current state of aliveness, here is an account of what the hell I've been up to:
1. Drinking
As my brother, The Captain, would say: “nothing ever changes”.
2. Laughing heartily at your comments to the last entry.
Seriously, you guys are the hilarious. I’ve laughed for most of the month. I've only just stopped, and that's only because I've not read them for...wait. Now I’m laughing again.
In terms of the competition: I would like to announce that (a) captions were the winner on the day, and (b) every player wins a prize here in Sideshow Alley at the Carnival of jLo. Hence, you have ALL won an all-expenses paid holiday to exotic and tropical North London (flights not included). Hoorah!
Not bad for a photo of a one-woman Carry On film....
3. Being Unemployed
Which sucked, and which also led to alarming levels of fiscal distress, which should have interfered with (1) but somehow I prevailed.
I actually wrote a long rant about being unemployed which I may post at some point, but for now I’m trying to ignore the entire episode. I still spend far too much of my spare time filling out applications for real jobs, but for now the wolf is slinking away from the door, thanks to…
4. Getting a New Job.
I have a new job. I'm still only a temp, but it's in a very cool place - a firm where they do astounding amounts of such excellent work that it may as well be called Stickin' It To The Man, Inc. (SITTM, Inc).
At this new job, I have a headset with a microphone that makes me feel like Madonna, except without the scarily cultish religious fervour.
Also, they have properly unfettered access to the Interweb here, hoorah! However, they make me work very hard, which interferes with my ability to spend hours on said Interweb, boo.
5. Entertaining Visitors
The latest in my reasonably constant stream of visitors from home have graced London with their presence throughout July. The fabulous Mr AC popped in and out of London via wedding activities in France and frighteningly extreme adventure activities in Iceland; and the delightful Misses C stopped here for a week at the tail-end of their round-the-world sojourn.
The excellent thing about having visitors is that (a) you get to see your lovely friends and (b) you are inspired to do typical London-y type activities of the sort that you never seem to get around to doing in other times.
For instance! In the last month, I have, among other things, attended the Portobello Road markets, a West End musical, and, of course, many, many pubs. Wait. I do that normally (see (1)). Oh well. They were London pubs.
According to my current schedule, these folks are the last that will be here for a while. However, I hear that there is a VERY GOOD REASON to desert Australia sometime in the near future, so let me urge you all to do so as soon as possible and making your way directly here.
6. Taking advantage of the heatwave by:
(a) Bathing myself twice daily in the delightful, sauna-like fug that is the Underground during rush hour;
(b) Being as irritating as possible by speaking often and at length to anyone who will listen that “the heat itself is not the problem, it’s the fact that the buildings aren’t designed for it, not like at home”; and
(c) developing a taste for Pimms, especially when consumed in parks. I love the law in England that lets you drink outside.
7. Behaving very poorly with a young gentleman of my newly-made acquaintance
Now don’t get excited, ‘twill come to nowt. But! It did provide a momentary diversion in July. The highlight was turning up on the first day of my new job with an unsightly bruise on my neck caused by irresponsible and juvenile activities undertaken because of excessive (1) and displaying it to all and sundry because I had my hair up due to the sweltering conditions mentioned in (6).
Upon pointing out my shame when I returned home that evening, Mr Juicy remarked, “never mind. Perhaps [your new bosses] thought it was a birthmark.”
Very classy.
8. Getting a flu
Not related to (7) (hopefully), but making me cough, splutter and sound more like a drag queen with each passing day.
9. Being introduced to the Wonderful World of VoIP*
Skype! My account name is, unsurprisingly, my name (alloneword). For those readers who know me: you know how to spell it, call me sometime! For those readers who don’t know me: you don’t exist.**
* Nerd!
** I don’t think. I suspect world blog domination is still some way off. As I understand it, regular updates of actual quality are required for such status to even become a possibility.
10. And that is all. For now.
Technically speaking it is not, in fact, a diary if you only update it once a month.
In response to the deluge of inquiries I have received of late as to my current state of aliveness, here is an account of what the hell I've been up to:
1. Drinking
As my brother, The Captain, would say: “nothing ever changes”.
2. Laughing heartily at your comments to the last entry.
Seriously, you guys are the hilarious. I’ve laughed for most of the month. I've only just stopped, and that's only because I've not read them for...wait. Now I’m laughing again.
In terms of the competition: I would like to announce that (a) captions were the winner on the day, and (b) every player wins a prize here in Sideshow Alley at the Carnival of jLo. Hence, you have ALL won an all-expenses paid holiday to exotic and tropical North London (flights not included). Hoorah!
Not bad for a photo of a one-woman Carry On film....
3. Being Unemployed
Which sucked, and which also led to alarming levels of fiscal distress, which should have interfered with (1) but somehow I prevailed.
I actually wrote a long rant about being unemployed which I may post at some point, but for now I’m trying to ignore the entire episode. I still spend far too much of my spare time filling out applications for real jobs, but for now the wolf is slinking away from the door, thanks to…
4. Getting a New Job.
I have a new job. I'm still only a temp, but it's in a very cool place - a firm where they do astounding amounts of such excellent work that it may as well be called Stickin' It To The Man, Inc. (SITTM, Inc).
At this new job, I have a headset with a microphone that makes me feel like Madonna, except without the scarily cultish religious fervour.
Also, they have properly unfettered access to the Interweb here, hoorah! However, they make me work very hard, which interferes with my ability to spend hours on said Interweb, boo.
5. Entertaining Visitors
The latest in my reasonably constant stream of visitors from home have graced London with their presence throughout July. The fabulous Mr AC popped in and out of London via wedding activities in France and frighteningly extreme adventure activities in Iceland; and the delightful Misses C stopped here for a week at the tail-end of their round-the-world sojourn.
The excellent thing about having visitors is that (a) you get to see your lovely friends and (b) you are inspired to do typical London-y type activities of the sort that you never seem to get around to doing in other times.
For instance! In the last month, I have, among other things, attended the Portobello Road markets, a West End musical, and, of course, many, many pubs. Wait. I do that normally (see (1)). Oh well. They were London pubs.
According to my current schedule, these folks are the last that will be here for a while. However, I hear that there is a VERY GOOD REASON to desert Australia sometime in the near future, so let me urge you all to do so as soon as possible and making your way directly here.
6. Taking advantage of the heatwave by:
(a) Bathing myself twice daily in the delightful, sauna-like fug that is the Underground during rush hour;
(b) Being as irritating as possible by speaking often and at length to anyone who will listen that “the heat itself is not the problem, it’s the fact that the buildings aren’t designed for it, not like at home”; and
(c) developing a taste for Pimms, especially when consumed in parks. I love the law in England that lets you drink outside.
7. Behaving very poorly with a young gentleman of my newly-made acquaintance
Now don’t get excited, ‘twill come to nowt. But! It did provide a momentary diversion in July. The highlight was turning up on the first day of my new job with an unsightly bruise on my neck caused by irresponsible and juvenile activities undertaken because of excessive (1) and displaying it to all and sundry because I had my hair up due to the sweltering conditions mentioned in (6).
Upon pointing out my shame when I returned home that evening, Mr Juicy remarked, “never mind. Perhaps [your new bosses] thought it was a birthmark.”
Very classy.
8. Getting a flu
Not related to (7) (hopefully), but making me cough, splutter and sound more like a drag queen with each passing day.
9. Being introduced to the Wonderful World of VoIP*
Skype! My account name is, unsurprisingly, my name (alloneword). For those readers who know me: you know how to spell it, call me sometime! For those readers who don’t know me: you don’t exist.**
* Nerd!
** I don’t think. I suspect world blog domination is still some way off. As I understand it, regular updates of actual quality are required for such status to even become a possibility.
10. And that is all. For now.
posted by jLo at 11:21 PM
8 Comments:
Ah!! Cheap political satire(see (5)), who wouldn't log back on for that!!
Re 2: But really, I won didn't I...
Hurrah! As a totally indifferent and unrelated blog reader who previously had never come across the so-called "jLo," (at least, not without a space and a few more letters between the j and the Lo) I can say from the bottom of my blogger-heart how happy I am that you are back on the blog-waves.
I'll say it again. Hurrah!
Hey, the Captain: cheap politics gags are the best kind.
Hey, Greeny: Yay, indeed. A question: is it normal that there's a loud echo immediately after I speak, or am I doing it wrong?
Hey, Ed: I'll totally tell you when you come to claim your prize.
Hey, J,The: Welcome, it's lovely to meet you! Hurrah to you too, my brand-new, totally unknown friend.
That kind of humour is why we anonymous blogger-types love you.
all-expenses paid! and I can get my airfare covered anyway!! and you entertain your visitors too!!! and you do lots of SITTM and being a non-religious Madonna!!!!
No matter how hard he tries, Tony Blair just can't manage to be as bad as John Howard (and he does seem to try very hard) - it all seems to add up to justifying a nice balmy tropical Christmas visit.
How big's the spare bedroom?
(In which J, The experiments on the comments page of jLo's blog to see if she can get ed's attention)
Headphones. I would wear my headphones all the time, doing everything - skype, washing the dishes, hanging the clothes out to dry - if ed would ever give them back to me.
Good gracious me, it's AB! An honour to have you here, sir, the spare room (which, incidentally, is "couch" sized) is yours whenever you like. And yes, as distressingly hard as he seems to be trying, Tony Blair hasn't quite achieved the levels of evil of his Antipodean counterpart. Give him time...
Greeny: headset, I'm on the case. Will consult my resident geek for assistance if required. And dude, I cannot believe I didn't get that job, either. You know what? The latest e-newsletter for the project (presumably written by the pretender who beat me) had ALL OF MY IDEAS (Wait. YOUR ideas) in it. Ah well.
J, The: is he listening? Hey, ED! J, The is trying to wash her dishes without headphones. The madness must end.
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